How to be non-judgemental in Coaching

As I shared my views on the Coaching Mindset in the earlier post, being non-judgemental is a crucial part of “being” a coach. One can not coach fully if he or she is judging the coachee. You cannot build trust, you cannot embody a coaching mindset if you are judging the coachee. You as a coach, would not be listeningproperly either if you are in a state of judging.

Before I share my thoughts on being non-judgemental, the question to ponder first is “What is Judgement?”

The human mind creates images from thoughts we perceive from the outer world and stores them. We then use that database of images stored in our minds to make opinions, prejudices and beliefs about the situations or people we encounter. Those opinions or prejudices serve to make judgements when we encounter similar situations again. We do not see people or situations as they are in the present. We go in the past, search our images database and return an opinion/prejudice/belief based on our knowledge which is the past.

Judgements are also subjective observations. As humans, our minds create public feelings about people or situations. It makes a judgement about someone’s appearance, someone’s philosophy or someone’s behaviour or someone’s political views or someone’s religion. We label things as good or bad. Take a car for an example, we say this brand car is good or that brand car is bad. We often judge ourselves for situations we encounter.

We often judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions. — Unknown

Now the question is how can we be non-judgemental or can we?

Even judging the judging is judgement, right? In my view, we cannot be freefrom judgements. We can only be aware that we are making those judgements. With this awareness, we can be more accepting of others’ views, values, beliefs, appearances or their situations etc.

When the knowledge which is acquired in the past and past itself, interferes in the discovery, there is no discovery of the “new” at all.

When the knowledge we accumulated in the past with the beliefs and values we have generated for ourselves, interfere with others’ beliefs and values, we don’t see past the judgement. Once we are aware of when we are judging, we then go into discovery mode. The discovery of the “new” with the coachee.

With judgement, we would not be able to discover anything and would not be able to serve the coachee as best as we can. If there is a strong judgement that you as a coach can not be free of, even after your awareness, then being an ethical coach, share that with the coachee and do not proceed with the session.

It is not easy to reach this stage of awareness of our judgements. It takes practice and practice and more practice. So do not “judge” yourself too much. Practice mindfulness and be aware of when you are going into a judgement state. Also, it is just not for a coaching session, it is for daily life too. Remember, coaching is about being coach-like in daily life, not just for the sessions you have with the coachee.