Self in Coaching
When we talk about self, what do we mean? How is it important to be aware of self as a Coach? There are a few open questions here which I would like to talk about. As a disclaimer, this is just my understanding currently which I wanted to share.
In my understanding of self, one of the traits I can think of is the state where you are aware of your interferences. As a coach, it is vital that you are aware so that you can fully focus your attention or more precisely “kind attention” to the coachee.
The American painter Robert Henri once said:
“The object isn’t to make art, it’s to be in that wonderful state which makes art inevitable.”
f we paraphrase it in coaching terms, it would read like
“The object is to not do coaching, it is to be in that wonderful state which makes coaching inevitable.”
This is that wonderful state which is clear of “me”. If as a coach, one is clear of “me”, then a coach can be fully present with the coachee without any judgementsor biases. This is not an easy state to reach. It takes a lot of time for the mind to be free of “me” so that it can understand the “self”.
“The observer is the observed. Anger is not different of me, I am Anger, I am jealousy. So there is no division between the observer and the observed. That is the basic reality one must capture. To observe without the observer, just to observe, then you will see the whole of consciousness, the whole of it begins to reveal itself without you making an effort.” -J Krishnamurti
If you can observe the “self”, when it gets angry or jealous for example, it is not the response of what others have said or done, it is the state of the reaction where you become the reactive one. You are the anger, you are the jealousy then. The point I am trying to make here is that rather than being the reactive one, become proactive. You are solely responsible for your own “self”. If you can observe your “self”, you can master your observation to control yourself being not become reactive one.
The thought is the response of the past. — J Krishnamurti
You can understand what makes you react and work upon it to know your “self”. Being in that state, you are not letting the coachee’s thoughts or words take control of yourself. You are not letting your “me” overtake you either.
How can we understand ourselves more? There is mindfulness meditation and observation of the self is key to understanding and getting better as an individual and coach. It is moreover about being then about doing.
In the still mind, in the depths of meditation, the Self reveals itself. – Bhagavad Gita
A coach who is more close to the “self” can provide selfless service to the coachee and be more creative in the art of coaching. That self then becomes a wonderful state which makes coaching inevitable.
Now when it comes to coachee, a coach is there to support coachee find their own “self”. As Krishnamurti said in this book The First and Last Freedom, “To acknowledge, to be aware of what one is, is already the beginning of wisdom”.
Once we know our “self”, we don’t translate what is being said. We do not resist. We just listen and observe.
I would be exploring more on this as we go along in future articles. Curious to know about your understanding of “self”.